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Thursday, April 19, 2012

Scotch Broom - More Deleted Scenes

Another extension on a scene that hit the cutting room floor. I think in this case, my critiquers hadn't played darts, so the concepts were confusing. I'd have to concede that. My darts team, ahem, won 9th in the State of Washington. Not bad for a bunch of old duffers.

The Scene as it Ended Up in the Book:

“Da game is 301, double-in, double-oot?”

“Great. Anything is fine.” Rune watched the dart loaner erase the blackboard next to the dartboard and write Barry and Ron at the top. He added the number 301 under each name.

Rune smiled. He ought to make enough for the train in no time at all.

The Deleted Part of the Scene:

“Da game is 301, double-in, double-oot?”

“Great. Anything is fine.” Rune watched as the dart loaner erased the blackboard next to the dart board and wrote Barry and Ron at the top. He added the number 301 under each name.

“Lag for first?”

“Sure. Go ahead.”

Barry stood at the line and winged a dart to the center of the board. It hit just off the bull for nineteen. Rune stepped up and slapped his dart into the eighteen. He wanted to watch Barry’s first round to see how he played the game. And to make sure he didn’t appear quite as good as his opponent...yet.

“I’m up, then,” Barry said, pulling his dart from the board. Rune retrieved his own dart. Barry stood at the line, aimed, moving the dart forward and backward a minute distance until he let it fly. It landed in the ring splitting the twenty wedge. “Guid ain, Barry. Doubled in right off,” the scorekeeper commented.

A lightbulb went off in Rune’s head. Double-in meant you had to put the dart into the doubles ring before the score counted. Barry threw his other two darts. The scorekeeper calculated a moment, then wrote 224 under Barry’s name. Rune counted the score and figured out that the game’s score went down by the count. Double-out, then, must mean you have to end the game with a double as well.

Rune stood at the line. He figured a high score is always a good thing, but he didn’t want to look like a ringer, so he racked up 75 points, just two points fewer than Barry. It’d be safest to match closely.

The game continued for three more rounds. Both players had an even number left. Barry needed a double sixteen; Rune needed a double seventeen. Barry threw and the point stuck just inside the doubles ring. Barry had to shoot a double eight. His second dart was a double, but a double eleven. He scowled at the board, but made no comment. He pulled his darts and stood back for Rune’s play. Rune wondered whether to just end it now. He could see Barry was too good to toy with, so decided he’d just take the double seventeen and be done with it.

Barry held his hand out to Rune. “Nice game. Do ye want to go another?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Rune responded with a smile. He ought to earn his train fare really fast.

*****

What do you say? Do you think this was a good one to dump?

SCOTCH BROOM: Book 3 of The Witches of Galdorheim
A magical trip to Stonehenge lands a witch in the Otherworld where an ancient goddess is up to no good.

Marva Dasef: https://sites.google.com/site/mdasefauthor/books/galdorheim
MuseItUp Buy Link: http://tinyurl.com/ScotchBroomMGD
Kindle Buy Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ROH46K/
Scotch Broom Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYnRmbvPp7Q

Kat expects to have a great time on her graduation trip to Stonehenge. However, from the moment she leaves the witches’ arctic island, Galdorheim, she gets in nothing but trouble. Her younger half-brother tries to horn in on her trip, she gets lost in the magical Otherworld realm, is led astray by a supposed friend, then she has to confront a Scottish goddess who’s fallen on hard times.

While dodging the goddess’ minions and trying to find her way out of the Otherworld, Kat soon learns she shouldn’t underestimate the old has-been for one second; the crone still has a few tricks that can drain a witch’s magic in a flash. To make matters worse, Kat's brother secretly followed her into the Otherworld. Now he’s in danger too. Kat has to go one on one with the goddess to save herself and her brother.

3 comments:

  1. Yes, I think it was a good idea to cut this scene. It is difficult to understand if you have never played darts. Although I haven't read the novel, this scene would slow down the plot. So I think you strengthened your book by leaving this part out.

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  2. I'm in agreement, Helene. I found it fun since I played tournament darts for years, but kind of a yawn for anybody who has no interest.

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  3. I think as it is this was a good scene to cut. However if you made it more fun from Rune's side it would have been a good scene to leave in. Rune has a very humorous side to him but this doesn't come across in this scene. Loved the book anyway.

    ReplyDelete