Kink, Evil Sidekick - A Recipe for Disaster

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A RECIPE FOR DISASTER
by Ardyth DeBruyn

Villain apprentice Cal desperately needs cash to take his girlfriend to the Dreaded Ball. Prince Bueford needs out of an arranged marriage. Mullog, Bueford's manservant, would love to marry the princess and has the perfect solution: Bueford can buy a potion for disaster from Cal to disrupt the betrothal. Then Mullog can rescue the princess, and everyone can live happily ever after.

How could a little disaster go wrong?

Website link: http://www.ardythdebruyn.com
Buy link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AMAUURG


Kink, Evil Side-kick

Looking for the perfect evil side-kick for Cal, my mind drifted back to Japanese class in high school, when for some reason, one of my classmates was able to convince our teacher to let him keep rats at the back of the class.  He was doing a genetics project and apparently the science teachers weren't inclined to let him use their classroom.

The upshot of it meant I spent a lot of my Japanese class that year playing with rats.  I found them fascinating and often delightful pets, but we quickly learned if they weren't handled regularly, they would go a bit feral.  They also were quite the little escape artists.  They wanted to explore the classroom every chance they could get and we'd have to be careful easing the door open when we arrived in case someone had gotten lose and was looking to escape.

Kink, Cal's pet rat, is considerably more intelligent than a normal rat.  Living with wizards has given him not only the ability to reason, but magic as well.  But Kink still has a rat nature, which means sneaky, curious, and always looking for his next meal.

Excerpt: 

Around the next corner, the crowds thickened. In the middle of the street, under a red and white awning, sat the busiest of the cafés, Birkanini’s Pizza Shop. Families with bouncy children; young, dewy-eyed lovers; and elderly people, arm in arm, strolled into the shop, emerging with pizzas to sit at the tables in front of it. Everyone wanted Birkanini’s Pizza.

The smells wafted over Cal, making him moan. "Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a piece or two of pizza."

Kink squeaked mournfully.

Mouth watering and eyes burning with unshed tears, Cal turned away. Would he never get the riches and respect he deserved? Suddenly an evil thought burst into his mind. "Hah!" Cal grinned, grabbing Kink from his shoulder. "Are we villains, or are we villains, Kink? Why wait for the pizza to come to us, when we can come to it?"

He dodged a couple of carts, wound across the street to an alley, and circled around to the back of the pizza shop. He gently set Kink down on the stones. "Ready, my evil little rat?"

Kink flashed fangs and dipped his head, then sneaked into the pizza joint. Cal poked his head in, watching the cooks bustle around. No one noticed him. He reached out and snagged an empty cardboard pizza box from the stack next to the door. Grinning like a demon with a freshly damned soul, he sauntered to the corner of the alleyway and watched the front of the shop.

Cute little red and white umbrellas covered small round tables, matching the shop’s awning. A mother fed pizza to a toddler while a father passed around slices to a couple of arm-wrestling young boys. At another table, a young man had the girl with him shut her eyes while he fed her. All the happiness normally would sour Cal, but he had a job to get done here.

Come on, Kink. Don’t let me down.

Kink appeared, poking his head out of the front door. He sat up on his hind legs, nose twitching, a front paw waving at the air. For a moment, no one noticed. Then a small boy, his face smeared with spaghetti sauce, pointed Kink out to his older sister. She screamed and scraped her chair back against the cement. Heads turned; mouths dropped open. Horrified, people looked down at their pizza, dropping it, and dashed away.

Someone in the store shouted and came after Kink with a broom. The rat raced forward into the panicked crowd. Taking his deliciously evil opportunity, Cal walked past the tables, picking up untouched slices from the center plates and loading them into his box. He stole a couple of unopened sodas off the last table as he went by. A quick spell insulated the pizza, keeping it warm. Back in the alley, Kink waited.

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Carly: the Evil Lunch Lady

Ardyth hosts Bodach, the black giant from Celtic mythology and faithful servant to Cailleach.

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A SCHOOL FOR VILLAINS (Dark Lord Academy Book 1)

Danny isn’t much for being evil, but when bad is good, how does someone get expelled from villain school?

Ardyth DeBruyn’s website: http://www.ardythdebruyn.com/

Amazon kindle buy link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0061I23PU

Barnes and Noble nook buy link: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-school-for-villains-ardyth-debruyn/1107133597

Smashwords multi-format buy link: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/103615

Blurb:

Thirteen-year-old Danny is astounded when his father decides to send him to Dark Lord Academy to learn to be a villain. Pa claims it will make him stand out and fulfill his own lost childhood dreams. Being evil doesn’t appeal to Danny, but he’s always been a good and obedient son, so he goes.

Dark Lord Academy’s not just unappealing, it’s downright terrible. His advisor dyes Danny’s blond hair black and changes his name to the unpronounceable Zxygrth. He can’t get the hang of maniacal laughter, his second-in-command servant is a puke-colored monkey, and the cafeteria lady enjoys serving stewed cockroaches or fried bat wings. A run in with a hero results in hate mail and he gets caught up in a rivalry with the school bully. The only way for Danny to stay alive is to find his inner villain.

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Carly, the Evil Cafeteria Lady

In writing “A School for Villains” one my most challenging considerations was the food. How do you make cafeteria food evil when it already is?

Okay, so not all cafeterias are evil, but let’s face it, a good many of them do seem to be. Cold and lumpy food, or the only thing they’re serving is something you hate. In considering what villains eat, I had some easy answers (eye of newt and toe of frog anyone?) but needed to dream up the evil woman behind the madness, who enjoys making the most disgusting foods possible. From spider pancakes to stuffed cockroaches, she delights in horrifying the students of Dark Lord Academy with their next meal.

This leaves newcomer Danny (renamed Zixy by his advisor) stumped with what to say when served up a plate of food. Do you compliment the chief by telling her it’s awful? Or say it looks delicious? Is eating it or not eating it the way to show it’s the evilest of dishes? Carly, built like a sumo wrestler and always wielding her wooden spoon like a weapon, leaves him constantly guessing.

Carly enjoys watching Danny stumble over his attempted polite compliments in part so much because many people in a cafeteria, especially when in a hurry, don’t pay much attention to their food, and honestly, considering what Carly cooks, it’s the best strategy for surviving school meals. Danny offers her an opportunity to show off, and face it, even teachers need to show off once in a while. Nothing is more satisfying than a properly shocked student.

What Danny doesn’t know, is that in Dark Lord Academy, being in charge of the cafeteria is not a simple or low-paying position. Carly is a proper teacher (although usually not of first year students). Cooking up poisons and potions is of course a crucial skill for dark lords, and it’s her simple love of experimenting on the students daily that keeps her dedicated to the school kitchens. Despite that, there’s not a lot of recognition out there for the school cook. It’s far less flashier than something like necromancy or invasion strategizing, so the students are exactly lining up for extra lessons (or second helpings).

When Carly catches Danny in a food fight, she has the perfect opportunity to corner him into private lessons about evil culinary skills under the guise of detentions.

Excerpt:

Carly grabbed him by the ear and shoved him through the kitchen doors. It was all Danny could do to keep from moaning. An enormous stack of dirty dishes covered one wall of the kitchen.

“Better get going, boy,” boomed Carly, shoving him toward the dishes. “They won’t wash themselves.”

“What about magic? Or minions?” Danny muttered.

“Hah! Why use minions when I have disobedient little students like you?” Carly chortled her sour laugh again. “But if you think you can use Dark Magic to get them clean, go right ahead.”

Danny knew better than to respond to that. He rolled up his black sleeves and started scrubbing. Carly sat in a chair, put up her feet, and started reading a huge book entitled: “The Better Dungeons and Graveyards Cookbook.”

“Soup tomorrow…lemme see,” she said cheerfully. “What’d ya think, Zixy-boy, Eye of Newt Chowder or Rat-tail Broth? Oooh, look, Bat-wing Lasagna with deep-fried chicken feet on the side—I bet the students would love that! Mwehehe! So, what’d ya say, Zixy-boy?”

“Umm…” Danny mumbled from within an enormous pot he had to practically crawl into to get to the bottom. It stunk like rancid oil, making it hard to breathe. Why the food tasted as it did was becoming all too clear.

“Can’t hear ya, speak on up?” Carly sounded jolly.

Danny took a deep breath, gagged, and searched for an appropriate answer. “What about dessert?”

“Ah ha! I like the way you think!” Carly slammed the book on the table so loudly Danny jumped, spraying suds in the air and banging his head on the side of the pot. “I’ve got just the book—Dargroth’s Deadly Delights! I haven’t read that in years!”

Danny rubbed his head and stared after her a moment as Carly went to fetch it. Then he set back to scrubbing the pot as hard as possible, hoping against hope he could somehow finish before getting a list of grossed out desserts. But it was more likely Armageddon would arrive, considering the stack of dishes still tottered up near the ceiling.

***

About Ardyth:

Ardyth DeBruyn is a native Oregonian with a restless nature and a degree in Anthropology. After hiking over 1500 miles across Europe and living on the Mexican border for a year, she settled back in the Pacific Northwest (for now) to write fantasy stories. She has decided she can type herself into adventures faster than walk. She has fiction published in a number of webzines and two children’s novels, ”Chosen Sister,” with Wild Child Publishing, and “A School for Villains.”

Where to find her:

Blog/website: http://www.ardythdebruyn.com

Google plus: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103672954444962539555

Twitter: @ArdythDeBruyn

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002890822526

A School for Villains - Ardyth De Bruyn

A SCHOOL FOR VILLAINS

by Ardyth DeBruyn

Available Now on Amazon Kindle

If there's one thing Danny's not, it's evil.  But when it's good to be bad, it's nearly impossible to get kicked out of villain school.

Thirteen-year-old Danny is astounded when his father decides to send him to Dark Lord Academy to learn to be a villain. Pa claims it will make him stand out and fulfill his own lost childhood dreams. Being evil doesn’t appeal to Danny, but he’s always been a good and obedient son, so he goes.

Dark Lord Academy’s not just unappealing, it’s downright terrible. His advisor dyes Danny’s blond hair black and changes his name to the unpronounceable Zxygrth. He can’t get the hang of maniacal laughter, his second-in-command servant is a puke-colored monkey, and the cafeteria lady enjoys serving stewed cockroaches or fried bat wings. A run in with a hero results in hate mail and he gets caught up in a rivalry with the school bully. The only way for Danny to stay alive is to find his inner villain.

Bio:  Ardyth DeBruyn is a native Oregonian with a restless nature and a degree in Anthropology. After hiking over 1500 miles across Europe and living on the Mexican border for a year, she settled back in the Pacific Northwest (for now) to write fantasy stories. She has decided she can type herself into adventures faster than walk. She has fiction published in a number of webzines and a novel, “Chosen Sister,” available as an e-book. Her second novel, “A School for Villains,” is now available at Amazon, and coming soon to other e-book outlets.

* * * * *

Note from the blogger: I had the pleasure of reading this book in critiques. That was quite awhile ago. I knew that Ardyth's first published book, "Chosen Sister," had been released through WildChild Publishing. I guessed this book would also go through the same publisher. Instead, Ardyth decided to do her own thing based on the success of other Indie authors. One thing Ardyth has is an Ace in the Hole. Her brilliant artist brother, Leo, created not only a stunning cover, but black and white interior illustrations.

This is such a fun book to read. I'm very happy Ardyth is doing it right along with her own way. This is definitely a book that should belong to your read over and over collection of YA fantasy.

Excerpt:

Chapter 2

The Dark Chariot Pays a Visit

Danny woke with a sense of impending doom. The large black envelope, primly propped up against the candlestick on his bedside table, did not suggest today was going to go any better than yesterday. The silver seal, shaped like a devil’s head, seemed to grin mockingly at him. Underneath, in lacy silver lettering, read: Dark Lord Academy—pro peiore potestate. Danny rubbed his eyes and looked again. Nope, still there. He swallowed hard and reached out to poke it with a finger.

The envelope fell flat.

Danny sat up and groaned. It was much too early to deal with something like this. Should he open it? Could he not open it? Danny glowered. He’d let Pa do the honors. That way if it was cursed, it would be justice for Pa to get it. He dragged himself out of bed, carefully picked up the letter, and pinched Dicky’s foot as he passed him on the way out.

“Get up, lazybones.”

“Oww,” Dicky mumbled and buried his head in the blankets.

Danny rolled his eyes and headed into the main room. Amos stood by the fire, stirring the pot of porridge. Pa lounged in his usual chair, discussing horseshoe orders. Resisting the desire to glare at Pa, as it would only get him angry and insistent, Danny shoved the letter at him.

“What’s that?” Pa asked.

“Didn’t you put it by my bed?”

“No.” Pa frowned. “But then, those Dark Lords are uncanny fellows. I suppose they magicked it here.” He handed the envelope back to Danny. “Go ahead, son.”

That was distinctly not reassuring. They’d responded that fast? Danny needed time to think this through, a plan to prove he wasn’t fit for villain school. “What if it’s dangerous?”

Pa laughed. “Oh, come on, it’s not like they’d hurt one of their well-paying students. Open it.”

Danny hid a grimace. Taking a deep breath, he broke the seal. A column of black smoke burst from the envelope. He dropped it and jumped backwards. High-pitched laughter came from inside.

Muahahahahahahahaha!”

The smoke condensed into a squat and contorted creature. Danny squinted. It was pond-slime green, had pointy ears that stuck out sideways, and a nasty leer on its face. Danny had never seen a goblin before, but this had to be what they looked like.

If that doesn't tempt you, then you just aren't a fan of YA fantasy.

Book by Ardyth DeBruen

A good friend of mine, Ardyth, has a cool book coming out on January 20th. A great day already made yet greater.

Check out Ardyth's website here.

"Chosen Sister" is published by Wild Child Publishing. They put out an eclectic bunch of books. I've had stories in a couple of their anthologies, so I gotta like them.

Buy Chosen Sister in ebook format for $5.95 at Wild Child.

When the Gold Wizard comes looking for the Child Warrior in Reina's village, it's no surprise he's only looking at the boys. However, when the wizard magically selects her younger brother as the warrior prophesied to defeat the Red Wizard, Reina has mixed feelings—jealousy and concern. Austyn is only six.

Allowed to accompany her brother, Reina soon finds they're in deeper trouble than she thought. The Gold Wizard's fake beard is ripped off by attacking harpies, revealing he's only seventeen, not to mention his magical demonstrations tend to go awry. Unfortunately, with the Red Wizard's harpies and snakewolves on their trail, finding a new (and better) wizard mentor is hardly an option. If anyone's going to find a way to track down the elusive Sword of Chivalry for Austyn and get him into the Red Wizard's castle to fulfill whatever the obscure prophecy insists must be done, it's got to be Reina.