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A SCHOOL FOR VILLAINS
(Dark Lord Academy Book 1)
Danny isn’t much for
being evil, but when bad is good, how does someone get expelled from
villain school?
Ardyth DeBruyn’s
website: http://www.ardythdebruyn.com/
Amazon kindle buy link:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0061I23PU
Barnes and Noble nook buy
link:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-school-for-villains-ardyth-debruyn/1107133597
Smashwords multi-format
buy link: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/103615
Blurb:
Thirteen-year-old Danny is
astounded when his father decides to send him to Dark Lord Academy to
learn to be a villain. Pa claims it will make him stand out and
fulfill his own lost childhood dreams. Being evil doesn’t appeal to
Danny, but he’s always been a good and obedient son, so he goes.
Dark Lord Academy’s not
just unappealing, it’s downright terrible. His advisor dyes Danny’s
blond hair black and changes his name to the unpronounceable Zxygrth.
He can’t get the hang of maniacal laughter, his second-in-command
servant is a puke-colored monkey, and the cafeteria lady enjoys
serving stewed cockroaches or fried bat wings. A run in with a hero
results in hate mail and he gets caught up in a rivalry with the
school bully. The only way for Danny to stay alive is to find his
inner villain.
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Carly, the Evil
Cafeteria Lady
In writing “A School for
Villains” one my most challenging considerations was the food. How
do you make cafeteria food evil when it already is?
Okay, so not all
cafeterias are evil, but let’s face it, a good many of them do seem
to be. Cold and lumpy food, or the only thing they’re serving is
something you hate. In considering what villains eat, I had some easy
answers (eye of newt and toe of frog anyone?) but needed to dream up
the evil woman behind the madness, who enjoys making the most
disgusting foods possible. From spider pancakes to stuffed
cockroaches, she delights in horrifying the students of Dark Lord
Academy with their next meal.
This leaves newcomer Danny
(renamed Zixy by his advisor) stumped with what to say when served up
a plate of food. Do you compliment the chief by telling her it’s
awful? Or say it looks delicious? Is eating it or not eating it the
way to show it’s the evilest of dishes? Carly, built like a sumo
wrestler and always wielding her wooden spoon like a weapon, leaves
him constantly guessing.
Carly enjoys watching
Danny stumble over his attempted polite compliments in part so much
because many people in a cafeteria, especially when in a hurry, don’t
pay much attention to their food, and honestly, considering what
Carly cooks, it’s the best strategy for surviving school meals.
Danny offers her an opportunity to show off, and face it, even
teachers need to show off once in a while. Nothing is more satisfying
than a properly shocked student.
What Danny doesn’t know,
is that in Dark Lord Academy, being in charge of the cafeteria is not
a simple or low-paying position. Carly is a proper teacher (although
usually not of first year students). Cooking up poisons and potions
is of course a crucial skill for dark lords, and it’s her simple
love of experimenting on the students daily that keeps her dedicated
to the school kitchens. Despite that, there’s not a lot of
recognition out there for the school cook. It’s far less flashier
than something like necromancy or invasion strategizing, so the
students are exactly lining up for extra lessons (or second
helpings).
When Carly catches Danny
in a food fight, she has the perfect opportunity to corner him into
private lessons about evil culinary skills under the guise of
detentions.
Excerpt:
Carly grabbed him by the
ear and shoved him through the kitchen doors. It was all Danny could
do to keep from moaning. An enormous stack of dirty dishes covered
one wall of the kitchen.
“Better get going, boy,”
boomed Carly, shoving him toward the dishes. “They won’t wash
themselves.”
“What about magic? Or
minions?” Danny muttered.
“Hah! Why use minions
when I have disobedient little students like you?” Carly chortled
her sour laugh again. “But if you think you can use Dark Magic to
get them clean, go right ahead.”
Danny knew better than to
respond to that. He
rolled up his black sleeves and started scrubbing. Carly sat in a
chair, put up her feet, and started reading a huge book entitled:
“The Better Dungeons and Graveyards Cookbook.”
“Soup tomorrow…lemme
see,” she said cheerfully. “What’d ya think, Zixy-boy, Eye of
Newt Chowder or Rat-tail Broth? Oooh, look, Bat-wing Lasagna with
deep-fried chicken feet on the side—I bet the students would love
that! Mwehehe! So, what’d ya say, Zixy-boy?”
“Umm…” Danny mumbled
from within an enormous pot he had to practically crawl into to get
to the bottom. It stunk like rancid oil, making it hard to breathe.
Why the food tasted as it did was becoming all too clear.
“Can’t hear ya, speak
on up?” Carly sounded jolly.
Danny took a deep breath,
gagged, and searched for an appropriate answer. “What about
dessert?”
“Ah ha! I like the way
you think!” Carly slammed the book on the table so loudly Danny
jumped, spraying suds in the air and banging his head on the side of
the pot. “I’ve got just the book—Dargroth’s Deadly Delights!
I haven’t read that in years!”
Danny rubbed his head and
stared after her a moment as Carly went to fetch it. Then he set back
to scrubbing the pot as hard as possible, hoping against hope he
could somehow finish before getting a list of grossed out desserts.
But it was more likely Armageddon would arrive, considering the stack
of dishes still tottered up near the ceiling.
***
About Ardyth:
Ardyth DeBruyn is a native
Oregonian with a restless nature and a degree in Anthropology. After
hiking over 1500 miles across Europe and living on the Mexican border
for a year, she settled back in the Pacific Northwest (for now) to
write fantasy stories. She has decided she can type herself into
adventures faster than walk. She has fiction published in a number of
webzines and two children’s novels, ”Chosen Sister,” with Wild
Child Publishing, and “A School for Villains.”
Where to find her:
Blog/website:
http://www.ardythdebruyn.com
Google plus:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/103672954444962539555
Twitter: @ArdythDeBruyn
