MAD Characters - Bev

In "Missing, Assumed Dead," Bev is the mom-n-pop grocery store owner in Rosewood, Oregon. She's the go-to woman if you want to find out what's what in town. She has a running feud with Ray, the diner owner, but Kam thinks that the back and forth banter between the two senior citizens is just a coverup for friendlier feelings. I picture Bev looking a lot like the cartoon character Maxine.

Kam first meets Bev: 

An elderly woman, about Ray’s age, wearing polyester pants and a T-shirt emblazoned with “I’m With Stupid” sat on a high stool studying a dog-eared Ladies’ Home Journal. She set the magazine aside and faced Kam over the counter. “So, you decided to get some food that tastes halfway decent, eh?”

Kam jerked, startled by the woman’s blunt words. “Um, yeah, I guess so.”

The old woman gestured with her head toward Ray’s. “That sumbitch can’t cook worth a damn. Thinks he’s so smart with his cute little place. Looks like a hippie hangout to me.”

“I think Ray’s food is fine. I just wanted something easy to go.” Kam wondered what Ray had done to piss her off.

The woman patted her short hair, mostly gray with streaks of strawberry blond, and sniffed. “Well, if you ask me—”

“Um, what’s with the kitty? She looks pretty old.” Kam considered reaching out to pet the cat, but one yellow eye opened warning her off.

“Mrs. Malachai.” The shopkeeper reached over and chucked the cat softly behind one ear. “She’s my sumbitch detector.”

“What—Aw, never mind. How much do I owe you?”

The woman sniffed again. “Six ninety-nine.”

Kam handed her a ten and took the change.

“You’re Kameron McBride, right? Come to town to settle Salvadore’s business. What’s your middle name?”

Kam blinked. “Uh, Hope.” What the hell?

“I’m Bev. Want a bag, Kameron Hope?”

Kam blinked again. “Just Kam. No, I think I can handle it.” Kam turned away and then about-faced. “Did you know Salvadore Vasco?”