Friday, July 11, 2014

A Conversation Between Warlocks (Uh, Witches)

Two magic wielders nearly a world apart recently got together over a root beer and had a conversation about their different types of magic. The following interchange was recorded and being shared with readers below.

(Note: Freebies available for the asking. Instructions at the end of this post)

Rune: Well, we’re witches, as Tex would agree. Right, Tex?

Tex: Um, yeah. But let’s use our indoor voices, okay? I’d rather this not go on my permanent record. I’m just an ordinary kid trying to survive high school.

Rune: So were you born a witch like I was or did you pick up some magic along the way?

Tex: How did you hear about me again? Yeah, I’ve learned a few spells thanks to my mentor, Mickey. Wish I knew more so I could turn my high school bullies into toads.

Rune: You’re going to make me guess, huh? Well, I’d say.... Cool, you’re a halfling. So am I! But my other half is vampire. Which sucks! Yeah, yeah, I use that joke way too much.

Tex: Okay, Rune, you’re kinda’ freakin’ me out here, although it’s a pretty good joke. Do I need to rub garlic on my neck or something? You know, “halfling” smacks of “Tolkien-ism.” But, yeah, my mom was a witch so I inherited this pain-in-the-butt curse. Unlucky, that’s me.

Rune: You grew up in Kansas? That’s too funny. This isn’t Kansas anymore and all that Wizard of Oz stuff. How the heck do you learn anything about magic in Kansas?

Tex: Sigh. The Kansas jokes never grow old. Except…yeah. Okay, I’ll be the first to admit Kansas sorta’ sucks, but again, it’s not like I chose my birth-place. Besides, Kansas is the center of a country-wide pentagram, the home of magic.

Rune: We have a school on Galdorheim. We witches are born with witch power, but we have to go to school to learn how to use it. We pretty much go with the basics. Runes are words of power. You can direct a rune or set of several runes together and send them out to do whatever you want. We use wands sometimes to help the spell go in the right direction. Once we get good at it, we can say or even think the spell words and they’ll work. It’s all about practice, practice, practice.

Tex: Now you’re making me feel like a slacker. Basically I use magic to keep alive. And find out who the murderers are at my high school. Seems like there’s a ton of ‘em. The most practice I get? Running from bullies and in and out of trouble.

Rune: I’m sorry about your dad, by the way. Maybe you guys could come to Galdorheim some time. We have a terrific healing practitioner, Glinda. She can fix just about anything. Maybe she could fix your dad. I don’t know about mutltiple...what was that again?

Tex: Multiple Sclerosis. Thanks for the offer, Rune, but Dad would never go for it. He’s about as stubborn as a mule, especially if witchcraft is involved. Not his favorite topic. Anyway…what’s life like in Galdorheim? Do you guys have to suffer through dodge-ball and sadistic gym teachers like we do?

Rune (laughs): No, nothing like that, but bullies live everywhere. My sister, Kat, was tortured by a stuck-up witch named Merry. One time, that b-itch (like my sister used to say) almost slapped a humongous spell on my sister. At school! Lucky for Kat, I was there to stop Merry before she could finish it. Then there’s the Wolf Pack. My friends joined the pack, but I didn’t dare since I’m already half vampire. Can you imagine a combination wolf-vampire? Even I shudder to think about it.

Tex: Actually, it sounds kinda’ cool. Speaking of all things weird, I’m a big horror film fan. How close do the flicks get to portraying vampires? You like old-school Lugosi or new-style sparkly dudes?

Rune: Sparkly? Oh, I know the one you mean. That’s just ridiculous. I have watched my share of old-school, as you call them, vamp movies. Personally, though, I’m more a science fiction fan. I watched Star Wars (the good ones) about a zillion times. Of course, we don’t get many new movies above the Arctic Circle. That’s where Galdorheim Island is. We have a magical environment dome over the place where we live, but most of the island is a glacier.

Tex: May the Force be with you. Hey, I’ve seen a picture of your sister, Kat. She’s kinda’ cute (but, gah, don’t you dare tell my girlfriend, Olivia, I said that). Sorry, sorry, sorry…blame it on witchcraft.

Rune: Gah, for sure. I wouldn’t tell her she looks hot. That’s not a very brotherly thing to say. But she is. Problem for her on Galdorheim she hates all the boys. Mostly because of the Wolf Pack thing. She was not a happy witch when they caught her in a dark alley. They didn’t hurt her, but scared the snot out of her. So, she hates all those guys. I guess that’s why she took up with Andy. He was a troll when they met, but it turns out he was really a human after all.

Tex: She’s dating a troll? Think she’s slumming, but it takes all kinds, I guess. You got a girlfriend? Maybe we could, like, double-date or something some time as long as you promise to keep your fangs to yourself. Um, do you have fangs?

Rune (exposing fangs): Yeah, but I don’t show them off much. I did have a girlfriend named Nadia, but I haven’t seen her for a long time. Ever since that thing with Glaistig in Scotland, I’m kind of staying away from women now. Nadia was nice, though. She was a Sami, a Siberian tribe of hunters, just like Andy turned out to be. Kat is half Sami herself. I know, I know. It’s complicated. When did being a teenager be anything BUT complicated?

Tex: Tell me about it. I’m so close to graduating high school, I can taste it. If I survive. (And, really…can you put the fangs away?) How about you? What do you want to do? I’m still kinda’ hangin’ in the wind, hoping to avoid a life in fast food.

Rune: I’m close to graduation myself. My mom wants me to go hang with my father for awhile. He’s a full vampire and lives in a dingy castle in Transylvania. Talk about a stereotype! I suppose I should get to know him. After all, he’s still my dad.

Tex: So, since we’re buds, I get a pass from any fangy activity in the future, right?

From what I understand, you guys travel around the world a lot. Way too much excitement for me. In fact, I wish life would settle down, but it seems I’m a supernatural trouble magnet. Yes, all the way in Kansas. You like adventure?

Rune: Duh. Adventure is my middle name. That’s one of the fun things about my sis. Wherever she goes, she manages to get into some kind of trouble. She does have entertainment value even if she is my sister. If it weren’t for my help, she’d have been eaten by a polar bear or something long ago.

Tex: A polar bear?

Rune: Yeah, its’ a long story. Then there was that forest elemental, and Cailleach the winter goddess, and...well there’s a lot going on. There are books about all the stuff she got into. Three of them. The whole lot is called The Witches of Galdorheim series. Some woman in Oregon wrote about it all. I have no idea where she found out what happened. Magic, I guess.

Tex: Oregon? And you’re making fun of Kansas?

Rune: Oh, whatever, Dorothy. I don’t live there, just my biographer. Hey, speaking of that, the whole series is being put into audio format. The latest, to my great embarrassment, is a story about a...let’s say mishap I had with magic when I was much, much younger. It’s titled “Spellslinger,” ‛cause that’s what I was trying to do—sling a spell.

Well, Tex, would you like to put in a final word?

Tex: Stay in school, drink milk, and try to survive. It’s a rough world (well, “worlds”) out there.

* * *

The Witches of Galdorheim Series are available in ebook and print on Amazon, and audio books are available for “Bad Spelling” and “Spellslinger.”
Is animal whispering a magical talent? Find out in the adventures of Katrina the teen witch (and her brother, Rune, who does all the heavy lifting).

All of the Witches of Galdorheim books in one volume:
Or the books are available individually.

* * *

And Amazon:
Elspeth, the Living Dead Girl:
Tex and the Gangs of Suburbia:
Tex and the God Squad:
And my adult horror tale, Neighborhood Watch:

Leave a comment about either Tex or Rune (or the state of the world) and you could win a free audio book of either “Bad Spelling” or “Spellslinger.” If you're more a reader than a listener, ebook of any format will be substituted. Just say Ebook or Audio in your comment.

Leave a comment indicating you're into ebooks, and Stu West might select you for a free ebook of any format of one of his Tex the Witch Boy books.

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