Thanks, Marva, for hosting me and my guests on your blog.
Two teen girls, one alive, one dead, sharing the same body. And they couldn't be more different. It's complicated. As the official biographer of the adventures of Elspeth and Elizabeth, I thought it'd be cool to interview them to commemorate the launch of my new book, Elspeth, the Living Dead Girl. The girls agreed to join me in "Dream Space," the Limbo version of social networking. Here's what the girls had to say:
Stuart: Hi ladies. Thanks for inviting me into, um, limbo.
Elizabeth: Whatever. How long is this going to take? I have important things to do.
Elspeth: Like what? Prying the stick out of your butt?
Elizabeth: Oh, shut up. You're just jealous
Elspeth: Yeah, right. You dress like a forest ranger. And what's up with your hair? Is it cement?
Elizabeth: I'm sorry, Stuart, some people have no class whatsoever. I mean, honestly. Who looks nicer? Me or...this punk rooster?
Elspeth: Oh, what's the matter, Lizzy? Did our pretty, pretty princess wake up on the wrong side of the unicorn?
Elizabeth: Gah! See what I have to deal with?
Stuart: Okay...why do you deal with Elspeth, Elizabeth?
Elizabeth: I ask myself the same question every day. But several years ago we made a pact. If Elspeth inhabits my body from time to time--to do whatever it is she does--she'll help me attain my goals.
Stuart: Which are?
Elizabeth: Duh. To get into an ivy league college, marry my boyfriend and--
Elspeth: Achieve world domination through supreme uptightness.
Elizabeth: He asked me the question, Elspeth!
Stuart: Okay, let's all take a deep breath. Elspeth, why do you inhabit Elizabeth's body?
Elspeth: If you find out, let me know. All I've been told--by the tormentors in Limbo--is that they send me to earth from time to time to right wrongs.
Stuart: But how'd you end up in this situation?
Elspeth: A rough life not ended nicely, I guess. I partied like a rock star. It caught up to me in the '80's. The Limbo jackasses told me they had use for me. A second chance, sorta.
Elizabeth: I wish you'd give your wardrobe a second chance.
Elspeth: Says the girl who favors young republican virgin-wear.
Stuart: Um, back on track...why have you been called out of Limbo this time, Elspeth?
Elspeth: There's a drug dealer at Elizabeth's high school, responsible for the death of a kid. I'm supposed to find out who it is before someone else dies.
Stuart: And how are you going to do that?
Elspeth: By kicking tail and whooping butt.
Elizabeth: How crass. Were you raised in a barn, Elspeth?
Elspeth: Hell, no. I raised the barn. Were you raised in a convent?
Elizabeth: I'm not even going to bother responding to that. Let's talk about me--
Elizabeth: Ahem! I'm Elizabeth Blackmer of the Blackmer family, born into wealth and superior genes--
Elspeth: I didn't think you even owned a pair of jeans.
Elizabeth: Shut up! Jeans are gross. Ew. Anyway, I'm going to go to Dartmouth when I graduate and marry Donovan--
Elspeth: Like kissing a cold salmon.
Elizabeth: Excuse me? How would you know how Donovan kisses?
Elspeth: Hm. I think I have a t.v. dinner in the microwave. Better bounce.
Stuart: I think our interview has ended...(maybe for my own safety)...anything else you want to say before we sign off?
Elizabeth: Yes, how do you like my pearls? I'm trending them now.
Elspeth: Yeah and I'm trying to untrend stupidity. Uphill battle. All I know, Stuart, is that the Limbo keepers said this will be a potentially dangerous operation.
Elizabeth: Wait...what? You didn't tell me this, Elspeth!
Elspeth: Must've slipped my mind. Anyway. I was also told that things are not what they seem. And to be careful who you trust.
Elizabeth: Oh my God! This gets worse and worse! All I want to do is become prom queen! Is that too much to ask? Don't you mess this up for me, Elspeth!
Elspeth: Would I do that?
Stuart: Okay, I, um, better leave.
* * *Blurb for "Elspeth, the Living Dead Girl"
If you’re dead already, can you die again? Elspeth’s been summoned from limbo. Her new assignment? Track down the culprit in the mysterious death of a student at Clearwell High. And incidentally, uncover the identity of the new drug dealer prowling the halls. Only one problem—the body she has to co-inhabit has a different agenda. Elizabeth just wants to be prom queen, marry Prince Charming, and graduate with perfect posture. Both girls, alive and dead, will have their separate worlds rocked before the killer is unveiled. Nothing is as it seems. No one can be trusted. Being dead has never been so dangerous.
* * *
Check out all of Stuart West's funny, yet deadly serious books on MuseItUp Publishing. Other places, too, but I'm not going to list them all.
Follow Stuart on his blog: Twisted Tales from Tornado Alley