A Bottle of Djinn

Genies or djinns are great fun. Robin William’s genie in Aladdin was a hoot. But when is Robin Williams not a hoot? Okay, don’t tell me about One-Hour Photo, Insomnia, or Death to Smoochy. Nobody bats a thousand.

Ahem. That’s not the subject here. It’s genies.

Let’s not talk about I Dream of Jeannie. That is clearly a complete and utter corruption of the wonderful race of magical beings brought to us from Moslem tradition. So, here’s the skeenie on genies.

From Wikipedia:

In Arabic, a genie (also jinn, Djinn, jinni) is a supernatural creature which occupies a parallel world to that of mankind, and together with humans and angels makes up the three sentient creations of God (Allah). Possessing free will, a djinn can be either good or evil.

The Djinn are mentioned frequently in the Qur'an, and there is a Surah entitled Al-Jinn. While Christian tradition suggests that Lucifer was an angel that rebelled against God's orders, Islam maintains that Iblis was a Djinn who had been granted special privilege to live amongst angels prior to his rebellion. Although some scholars have ruled that it is apostasy to disbelieve in one of God's creations, the belief in Jinn has fallen comparably to the belief in angels in other Abrahamic traditions.

Golly, that’s not near as much fun as Robin Williams. Still, a supernatural being that can wreak havoc on humans is right up our alley, right?


My Mashup

In “The Seven Adventures of Cadida,” Bascoda serves Cadida. Well, ‘serves’ is a bit of a stretch. He suggests, advises, and pretty much makes her figure out how to get things done. Every once in a great while, he will whomp up a little magic if Cadida is about to fall off a cliff or something else dangerous.

Bascoda appears in every adventure except one: Cadida and the Great Vizier (Cliffhanger). In that story, an evil genie has tricked Bascoda into the bottle that Aladdin put him in years before. He introduces himself to Cadida as Volfass, Apprentice Djinn Second Class, and claims to be taking over for Bascoda while he’s missing. Cadida is naturally concerned for Bascoda. The evil genie (disguised as a boy djinn) wants to lure her into helping him kill the Great Vizier ---- screeeech! Calling a halt here. The plot is too complicated to explain in full.

The short of it is that Cadida and her gang have to rescue Bascoda from the bottle. To do that, they have to put the bad genie into another bottle. Cadida, Poltrice the water demon, Gravella the cave demon, Sheik the dog, and Sulawesi the eagle are all needed to put that dang bad genie back in his bottle and get Bascoda out.

To learn what else happens to the gang, you’ll just have to buy a copy of the book.

Magic R Us

Wizards, Sorcerers, Magicians, Warlocks: These are the males of the species Homo Spellcasterus. Please comment on how you use these terms in your own writing. If you’re not a fiction writer, feel free to give your opinions as well.

A magician, wizard, sorcerer or a person known under one of many other possible terms in fiction is someone who uses or practices magic that derives from supernatural or occult sources. Warlocks, who are normally the male counterpart of witches, tend to be portrayed as evil, perhaps because ‘war’ is part of their title, and who doesn’t hate ‘locks’?

Wizard: In medieval chivalric romance, the wizard often appears as a wise old man and acts as a mentor. Long, white beards and robes seem to be required for most wizards.

Wizard of Oz
Dumbledore and Harry Potter
Discworld has a plethora of wizards, many inept
Gandalf in Tolkien’s Middle Earth
DC Comics and Marvel Comics both have wizards
Dungeons and Dragons and similar role-playing games
and Mr. Wizard, the science guy before Bill Nye the Science Guy


Sorcerer: Often an alternate term for Wizard. Many of the above mentioned wizards are sometimes referred to as sorcerers (except Mr. Wizard), but there doesn’t seem to be much consistency in doing so.

Magician: This seems to be the catchall phrase for spellcasters, but also includes stage performers with sleight-of-hand tricks, showgirl sawing, and disappearing and reappearing showgirls and white tigers.

Warlock: In Medieval tradition, warlocks are male counterparts to witches. However, modern Wiccans consider the term pejorative.

In some role-playing games, warlocks are demon summoners. After obtaining said demon, they can control them, make them pets, change their litterbox, etc. This usage may stem from the derivation from the Old Norse varð-lokkur meaning caller of spirits. However, the Oxford English Dictionary (the definitive source for all things magic) does not concur. The Oxford suggests the term warlock comes from warloke meaning to secure (a horse) as with a fetterlock. How this translates into a spellcaster, I have no idea.*

My Mashing Isn’t Very Up

I tend to use the standard definitions, although the Witches of Galdorheim series refers to male witches as warlocks. I see nothing pejorative about it. My apologies to any offended Wiccans.

* An excellent article "What is a Warlock?" gives an interesting take on warlocks
　

Werewolves: Yes, They ARE Hunky Guys

The most well-known werecritter is the werewolf. At this time in the cycle of what’s hot, what’s not, werewolves are getting great press via the Twilight books and movies by Stephenie Meyer.

I have to admit it. Werewolves can be totally sexy guys (gals) in human form. Meyer finally got one legendary being right. Well, she agrees with my concept, which I used before I read any of the Meyer saga. To tell the truth, I still haven’t read any of the books, because the first movie put such a bad taste in my mouth. OMG, Edward loves Bella because she SMELLS good?!?!? Gimme a break.

Anyway, I have a six-pack of werewolves in the first book of the Witches of Galdorheim series. Here’s a taste (ha ha, get it?) of my werewolf mashup.

From: Bad Spelling

Rune joined them. “Are we going to stand around here all day? Where’s that alternative transportation you told us about?”

Andy tore his gaze from Katya and scanned the slope. “There it is.”

Katya looked where Andy pointed and gasped. “What . . .?”

“Don’t worry. They won’t hurt us,” Andy said with a confidence Katya didn’t quite trust.

“But werewolves?” There was no mistaking them for regular wolves. Besides being twice the size of the largest of the wolves, the eyes gave them away. Even from a distance, Katya could see them gleaming with intelligence.

“Look behind them,” Andy said.

The big wolves loped along easily, and now Katya saw they were harnessed to a sled, bouncing along behind them. The speed with which they approached told her they would have no problem pulling a heavy load.

The wolves came up the slope and stopped in front of them. The lead werewolf looked at each of them with some interest. Katya felt like an item on a menu, like when they faced the polar bear.

The lead wolf said, “Good morning. Hmm. Humans, not trolls. Interesting.” The wolf looked over his shoulder at the others. “Remember, King Olaf hired us to deliver these people to where they want to go. You are not to eat them.” The other wolves nodded, but their long tongues hanging over gleaming, razor-sharp teeth was not a reassuring sight; their mouths dripped saliva in a most disconcerting manner.

The lead werewolf turned his pale yellow eyes back to Andy. “So, where are we going?”

Andy briefly explained what they wanted. The werewolf nodded and said, “If I understand correctly, we are looking for the Sami tribe. Do you realize they’re nomadic?”

“Sort of. All I know for certain is that they spend much of their time on the northern coast.” Andy glanced at Katya. “Anything else?” She shook her head.

The wolf stared at Andy for a moment, then said, “Well, come closer so I can smell you. The girl, too.”

Katya hung back. “Why do you want to–? Oh, I understand. You can find the Samis through our scent.”

“Very good, young lady,” the werewolf answered and sniffed at her outstretched hand. He licked it once, and Katya jerked her hand back. “Taste helps, too,” the werewolf answered, with a hint of humor in his gruff voice.

Two Gypsies Get Together

My good buddy, Lorrie Struiff, posted one of my stories on her website. The connection? Her book, "Gypsy Crystal" (Eternal Press) was just released on Kindle.

My story, "A Visit to Potter's Field," features an unusual gypsy fortune teller. This story appeared back in 2007 on Lorelei Signal and was included in the "A Time To...Volume 2," the second Lorelei Best of anthology.

I love the Lee Kuruganti illo (on this post) that accompanied the ezine release. Too bad it's off in the archival world and no longer available on-line. But that's okay. It just means I can loan out Gypsy Griselda to my friends.

Crackin' the Kraken

The Kraken is a fearsome beast. Yikes! Just look at that shot from Clash of the Titans (the remake). From Encyclopedia Mythica we learn that the Kraken isn’t a Greek myth at all. The good old Vikings claim the Kraken as their own.

In Norwegian sea folklore, the Kraken is an enormous sea monster which would sometimes attack ships and feed upon the sailors. It was supposed to be capable of dragging down the largest ships and when submerging could suck down a vessel by the whirlpool it created. It is part octopus and part crab, although others refer to it as a giant squid or cuttlefish.

To find something like the Kraken in Grecian myth, you have to look at Ceto the Sea Serpent. In the legend of Perseus, Andromeda is chained to a rock to be fed to a sea monster. Not the Kraken. A sea monster.

Okay, kids. Have we got it straight now? However, what do we care where any legend begins or ends. We mash up myth, legend, and folklore to our heart’s content.

My Mashup

I’ve got two here. I already talked about Ceto the Sea Serpent who helped Katya the hemi-witch in book 2 of my series, The Witches of Galdorheim (not yet published). Ceto is more likely the culprit intent on eating Andromeda. But in my book, she’s one of the good guys.

I use the Kraken by name in The Seven Adventures of Cadida. The story (Cadida and the Sea Beast - In Over Her Head) is the last in that book and has Cadida hooking up with a merboy, Dolph, who turns out to be the son of Poseidon. He was cast onto dry land by his evil uncle (who wants the throne, duh). Cadida, with the help of her genie and demon buddy, Poltrice, take the lost merboy back out to sea.

The little dhou they’re sailing is smashed to bits by a big, bad sea monster. Poor Dolph goes down with the ship and the others believe he’s lost. But, lo! He comes up out of the waves riding the Kraken like a bronco. Once the beast recognized him as Prince Dolph, he was as tame as a merboy’s pet could be.

So, watch your sea monsters! If you knowingly and with malice aforethought decide to mash your myths, then peace be with you. But if you know not from whence your myth has come, you’ll have some ‘splainin’ to do, Lucy.

Horsefeathers!

That archaic term means something is unbelievable, nonsense, hogwash, bull puckey.

What does that have to do with myth and legend? Flying horses, of courses. The remake of Clash of the Titans is coming soon to a theatre near you. In the trailer, Pegasus is a gorgeous black horse with ebony wings. Feathered wings. This has been the tried and true formula since Grecian myth. From the Encyclopedia Mythica:

Pegasus

In Greek mythology, Pegasus is the winged horse that was fathered by Poseidon* with Medusa. When her head was cut off by the Greek hero Perseus, the horse sprang forth from her pregnant body.
* Percy Jackson’s father does get around. A lot.

I’ve never been convinced that a winged horse would also have feathers. In Seven Adventures of Cadida, I introduce not one, but two! flying horses.

My Mashup

Cadida and the Sultan’s Horse - Horsing Around

Cadida finds a talking, flying, fire-breathing horse named Baakir hiding in her father’s stable. He’s trying to look casual, but Cadida notices that he’s whistling and hiding his head in the corner of the stall. Highly suspicious behavior. When Cadida approaches, an eagle flies through the stable at head height scaring the horses, including Baakir. He levitates a foot into the air and spits fire out of his mouth, setting the hay on fire.

Cadida rushes to the rescue and beats out the flames. She and Baakir have a little chat while he explains that he’s a cross-blood horse, mostly horse, but just a wee touch of dragon blood. This means he can fly (without wings) and breathe fire. However, he’s not very good at either talent. Cadida helps Baakir gain control over his magic.

Cadida and the Dragon Demon - Blood is Thicker

After Baakir has headed back to the Sultan’s Palace (where he lives), Cadida and her genie run across Azhi Dahaka, the dragon-demon which provided (unwillingly) the blood to make Baakir a flying fire-breather.

Trapped high atop a mountain, they watch while the dragon heads for the palace. From what he’d said before escaping from the caves (just stick with me here; I don’t want to give away every plot element), Cadida and Bascoda believe the dragon wants to harm their friend, Baakir.

They’ve got to get off that mountain fast. Bascoda gives wings to Cadida’s mare, Rosetta. But we all know that horses don’t have feathers, so Rosetta’s beautiful wings are covered with the same lovely hair as the rest of her body. The little mare takes to her new appliances immediately, carrying Cadida to the Sultan’s Palace to save Baakir.

There we have it. Two flying horses, but not a one with feathers.

NOTE: The illustrations are from "The Seven Adventures of Cadida" and are the copyright of Teri Santitoro, who illustrates as 7ARS.

Cryptozoology

Sasquatch, Big Foot, Fouke Monster, Yeti, Skunk Ape, Abominable Snowman, Fear Liath, Chiye-tanka, Quatchi (the name of the Sasquatch mascot for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics), etc, etc.

There’s hardly a more ubiquitous critter that’s never been scientifically proved to exist than the Sasquatch. I prefer that term or Big Foot since I live in the US Northwest, and he’s our monster.

I’ve toyed with the big guy in a couple of stories. Funny thing, I just keep seeing him as a bartender. The picture is by Holly Eddy and adorned my story in Lorelei Signal titled "Chilpequin 22 Miles." The story also appeared in "A Time To... Volume 1," the best of Lorelei Signal for 2006.

But the first time I gave Sas a job was way back in the 80s. This tale first appeared in Bewildering Stories in 2007. An audio version is attached. I’ve changed a few words, but it’s mostly the same.
　
FAIR’S FAIR

I lurched across Pioneer Square, hurt by the turned-away eyes. I wish they`d look at me. Go ahead and stare! After the car wreck and the flash fire, the doctors did their best to put me together, but even a pro can`t fix a thing if some of the parts are missing.

I dragged my body into a bar and pulled myself up on a barstool, making sure that the cash register blocked my view of the mirror. As usual, I sat with head bent, hat pulled down over my eyes.

"What’ll ya have, buddy?" the bartender’s rough voice rumbled.

I looked up, expecting the usual gasp of surprise or disgust, the eyes shifting left or right. I got neither. The bartender looked straight in my face, continuing to wipe the glass he held.
I was the one who gasped. He was over seven feet tall with one of the ugliest faces I’d ever seen, including my own. He was poorly shaved, the stubble continuing down his neck to disappear under his shirt.

"I said, what’ll ya have, buddy?" he repeated.

"Uh, scotch," I whispered. This was not a man, I thought. His nose was a snout; his canines long and pointed; his arms would have hung to his knees. He looked like those pictures, except for the shave and clothes, of course. My own appearance made me bold; people tolerate questions from those they pity.

"You look like one of those Bigfoot monsters," I ventured, made bold by my own visage. His chuckle was a guttural cough.

"So?" he said nonchalantly.

"So, how can you be here? Why haven’t the cops or the zoo come to get you?"

"You oughta know the answer to that, buddy," he grinned.

"What do you mean?"

"C’mon, you’re almost as ugly as me. It works great–right, buddy?"

I could see how it worked for him. When you’re as ugly as that, no one looks at you. He`d have no problem hiding out in the city.

"But, why?" I wanted to know.

"We–yes, there’s lots of us–did okay in the woods until all those science guys and hunters started comin’ after us. We want to be left alone, so we went where no one would think to look for us."

Dollar signs danced before my eyes. "What if I turned you in?"

"Now, you wouldn’t do that, buddy." His confident gaze met mine.

I decided quickly, and answered – "Right . . . fair’s fair."

Gypsy Crystal by Lorrie Unites-Struiff

I know this is a damned good ebook since I worked my butt off critting for Lorrie. I'm so proud of her, I could just spit.

Check out Gypsy Crystal at Eternal Press.

Isn't that a cool cover?

Ahem, settling down and writing a review now.

Rita is a cop. However, she's also of Romany blood and has a crystal that helps her find the bad guys. Using it, she can see the face of the last person the corpse saw before death. This works pretty well until, the last face isn't right. Rita thinks that her crystal's not working right, so she consults mom.

Problem is, the crystal is working fine, but the killer is...not so easy to find.

From that beginning, Gypsy Crystal takes you on a wild ride from the modern world into a dark family secret. A major hunk, Matt, shows up to work the case. Rita is attracted, but tries to keep her distance. However, Matt knows things about the serial killer stalking the streets that Rita does not know. Together, they must find a horrible beast from the past who's killing prostitutes, but only because the taking is easy and the beast needs blood.

Ms. Unites-Struiff carries the story into the realm of the supernatural, along with some hot scenes between Rita and Matt, to take the reader along on a wild, supernatural ride. Great read.

Ceto nee Nessie

Ceto the Sea Serpent

In my as yet to be published series about a teen witch who can't spell worth a damn, our erstwhile heroine gets a little help from an unusual source. Did you ever wonder why there are so few sightings of the Loch Ness monster? Well, Nessie vacations on Ultima Thule, which may be the remnants of Atlantis.

She's not fond of the name Nessie or Loch Ness Monster and prefers to go by Ceto. From http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Ceto :

In Greek mythology, Ceto or Keto (Greek: English translation: "sea monster") was a hideous aquatic monster, a daughter of Gaia and Pontus. The asteroid (65489) Ceto was named after her, and its satellite (65489) Ceto I Phorcys after her husband. She was the personification of the dangers of the sea, unknown terrors and bizarre creatures. Eventually, the word "ceto" became simple shorthand for any sea monster. The term cetacean represents a case in point. Her husband was Phorcys and they had many children, collectively known as the Phorcydes or Phorcydides. In Greek art, Ceto was drawn as a serpentine fish. Ceto also gave name to the constellation Cetus.

My Mashup

Ceto and Nessie become one. She's not a bad, um, person, but much misunderstood. She finds my heroine adrift in the northern seas sitting on a block of ice. Oh, yeah, the block contains the body of her father. Ceto finds this all fascinating and helps my heroine dock the ice block at Ultima Thule and find a messenger to send for help from the Witches' Island of Galdorheim in the Barents Sea.

Amphitrite - Poseidon's Wife

Poor old Amphitrite doesn't get much press as the wife of Poseidon. She's not even mentioned in Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson series. If she was, I missed it. In the Seven Adventures of Cadida, Amphitrite appears, but she doesn't get a lot of page time.

Here's the Encyclopedia Mythica writeup:

Amphitrite

The queen of the sea, variously given as the daughter of Oceanus and Tethys or of Nereus and Doris. When the sea god Poseidon wanted her as his bride, she declined the honor and hid from him in the Atlantic Ocean. A dolphin not only located her, but also brought her back to him, and he married her. The dolphin was awarded a place in heaven. Their son is the fish-man Triton. Amphitrite was portrayed on Greek mphoras together with her consort, riding in a chariot pulled by sea creatures, or sitting on a sea creature, surrounded by Tritons. She is decorated with the attributes of a queen, her waving hair covered with a net, and sometimes with the pincers of a lobster attached to her temples.

The Romans referred to her as Salacia.

The name means something like "The third one who encircles (the sea).

The Mashup

In the "Seven Adventures of Cadida," Amphitrite shows up in "Cadida and the Sea Beast - In Over Her Head," when Dolph, the merhunk, must battle with his wicked uncle, Terrapin, in a dual to the death. Of course, Amphitrite wants her son to win, but she's not so big on the the obvious fact that Dolph is falling for Cadida. Amphitrite appears with a high-pitched voice (dolphin squeaks) and has a crown of crab claws.

This story shows Cadida helping out the merboy, Dolph, find his true meaning. Nasty old uncle, Terrapin, got a witch to toss Dolph out of the sea. He doesn't remember his background, but Cadida, Bascoda, and Poltrice (the pool demon) help him recover his memories and win his true place as Prince of the Sea.

The Three Stooges

I used lots of Persian mythology in Quest for the Simurgh. If you’d like to know more about the three boys and Faiza standing up to the gods and demons, you can get the Kindle version on Amazon for a paltry 99 cents.

As always, the Encyclopedia Mythica provides the source material.

The Three Stooges (Daevas) of demons in Quest are minions of Dev, the war god.

Aesma
Aesma is the demon of lust and anger, wrath and revenge. His wrath is mainly directed towards the cow (go figure). He is the personification of violence, a lover of conflict and war.

Buyasta
An ancient Persian demon of laziness who tries to prevent people from working.

Nanghaithya
An archfiend. Nanghaithya is the personification of discontentment.

My Mashup

Dev (the little devil) wants war to usher in Armageddon. Why? Because war is his thing and wiping out all humankind is on his to-do list.

To that end, he sends three daevas (demons, if you will) to turn Faiza’s companions on the quest to the dark side (sort of a Darth Vader thing).

Aesma appears to Parviz in the form of a bear with a serpent’s tail. Parviz was a slave and has a mile-wide chip on his shoulder. Aesma fuels that anger and convinces Parviz that the others are his enemies, not his friends. He’s told to wait for Dev to call him into battle. And, of course, keep his mouth shut about the little meeting.

He sends Buyasta in the form of a giant spider to Bahar, who has always dreamt of becoming a warrior. The demon takes advantage of that dream to make Bahar fall asleep (laziness) and dream of himself as a mighty fighter in a huge battle. The good part: Bahar is kicking major butt. The bad part: The butts he’s kicking are those of his best friends.

Nanghaithya has a little un-pep talk (he’s a voice-over character) with Harib claiming that his friends all laugh at him and only keep his company because his father is rich. The demon attempts to make Harib discontented with his relationship with the others. Harib, however, is having none of it. He’s the only of the three boys who stays true to Faiza.
　

Let the Gods into the Fray

"Quest for the Simurgh" is available at:

Print $7.95

Large Print $8.95

Kindle 99 cents

Quest borrows mostly from Persian mythology, but the gods pretty much match up to the Roman and Greek gods. Essentially, every civilization re-uses the same gods, but give them different names and their own special flavor.

The heros are often the mighty warrior types: Hercules, Gilgamesh, Samson. Since I’ve written this books for kids, my heros are teenagers, not at all like the legends, but might become legendary themselves. But they’re not in mythology, so you’ll just have to read my book to find out about them.

As usual, the "real" info is from the Encyclopedia Mythica.

Ahura Mazdah

In Persian belief, Ahura Mazdah ("Lord Wisdom") was the supreme god, he who created the heavens and the Earth, and another son of Zurvan. Atar, his son, battled Azhi Dahaka, the great dragon of the sky, and bound it in chains on a high mountain. The dragon was, however, destined to escape and destroy a third of mankind at the final reckoning, before it was slain. Ahura Mazdah was the god of prophetic revelation, and bore both Ahriman and Ormazd.

As leader of the Heavenly Host, the Amesha Spentas, he battles Ahriman and his followers to rid the world of evil, darkness and deceit. His symbol is the winged disc.

Anahita

The ancient Persian water goddess, fertility goddess, and patroness of women, as well as a goddess of war. Her name means "the immaculate one". She is portrayed as a virgin, dressed in a golden cloak, and wearing a diamond tiara (sometimes also carrying a water pitcher). The dove and the peacock are her sacred animals.

Anahita was very popular and is one of the forms of the 'Great Goddess' which appears in many ancient eastern religions (such as the Syrian/Phoenician goddess Anath). She is associated with rivers and lakes, as the waters of birth. Anahita is sometimes regarded as the consort of Mithra.

My Mashup

I use Ahura more or less as described in the mythology book. Because he was the leader of the Amesha Spentas (the good guys), I decided to portray him like Zeus or Thor, just another god amused at the foibles of humankind, but rarely steps into the action. He is also equated with Mithra, so I have him married to Anahita (see below). Ahura shows up in only one chapter ("Demons and Deities") and he chats with Anahita about the progress of the heros. He claims to have set up the whole situation (just like a man).

Notice that I liked Azhi Dahaka so much, I gave him a major role in "The Seven Adventures of Cadida." See Azhi's post here.

I made Anahita my main character’s supporter. She appears to Faiza hovering over a lake. She tells the girl that one or more of her companions (three boys, wouldn’t you know) will be seduced to the dark side by demons. In typical godly fashion, she can’t give Faiza a straight story; she only hints at what might happen.

Lesser Known Mythologies and Folklore 2

Returning to the Seven Adventures of Cadida:

Kazikli Bey

Most of you have heard of Vlad the Impaler, right? Count Dracul, the model for Dracula? Well, Kazikli Bey is the middle-eastern translation, something like "The Impaler Prince."

In the "Seven Adventures of Cadida," I thought that giving ol' Vlad a different face would be a nice twist. What if Vlad didn't really impale anybody? What if he was trying to gain peace between the rampaging warlords that messed up good ol' Romania? It's all in the PR. If he puts himself out as the baddest mother in the valley, wouldn't you think it a bad idea to cross him?

So, my gal Cadida tries to go off on a cruise ship and ends up in a slave market. Lucky for her, an ancient crone pretty much forces her to buy a pendant. It's Kismet! The Kazikli Bey happens to be in the market for slaves and, noticing that Cadida is wearing the locket stolen from his mother, he purchases her. He turns out to be a really nice guy. He's not thrilled he has to act the badass, but it's the only way he sees to bring his country together in peace.

The story is titled "Cadida and the Kazikli Bey - A Bottle of Djinn."

Read all the stories in The Seven Adventures of Cadida. Purchase at The Genre Mall or give me a shout out for a copy.

　
　

Review for "Quest for the Simurgh"

Clayton Bye reviews books for The Deepening. He just posted a nice review of my juvenile fantasy, "Quest for the Simurgh." Visit the review site for lots of good, thoughtful reviews by Clayton. You can also ask him to review your book!

Four teenagers discover their magic teacher, Wafa, has disappeared. The condition of his home suggests he didn’t leave willingly. On a table, his teaching book lies open at the section devoted to the mythical bird known as the Simurgh. Someone has chalked a large X across the open pages. Some of the youngsters think he has been kidnapped by mountain raiders. Others feel the X means they are to go in search of the Simurgh. All agree they must go after their mentor.

So begins a quest that takes the young adventurers from their small desert village into the mountains and, with the aid of a strange little man they encounter, right through one of the mountains into an enchanted land, a place full of natural beauty, life, mythical creatures, demons, gods and spirits.

Read the rest of the review at The Deepening.

Lesser Known Mythologies and Folklore

Do you ever get tired of the same old fairies (fey), dragons, norse gods, greek gods, roman gods?

I try to find stuff that's not completely shopworn. Yeah, I do use some of the good old standards, but I also try to bend and twist them a bit. Other writers more famous than me do the same. Otherwise, nothing would ever be fresh and new. Sometimes I disagree with certain re-interpretations, but I appreciate that they're trying to change it up.

I thought I'd post some tidbits of mythologies that I've used in my books.

The Seven Adventures of Cadida

Throughout the seven (that's a magic number, you know) tales, I've tossed together a mixed salad of middle-eastern mythologies and just some plain old nonsense. However, things I have appropriated from the real mythologies include:

Azhi Dahaka

From Encyclopedia Mythica:

A storm demon from Iranian mythology. He steals cattle and brings harm to humans. It is a snake-like monster with three heads and six eyes who also personifies the Babylonian oppression of Iran. The monster will be captured by the warrior god Thraetaona and placed on the mountain top Dermawend. In a final revival of evil, it will escape its prison, but at the end of time (fraso-kereti) it will die in the river of fire Ayohsust.

My Mashup:

The Great Vizier (now entombed, waiting for something interesting to happen) had used Azhi Dahaka's blood to create a flying, fire-breathing horse. Excellent for combat, I'd imagine. Unfortunately, the Franken-Horse could only levitate a few inches and puff a wimpy flame when startled. However, Azhi escapes his imprisonment (see above) and knows this horse named Baakir is his umpteen times grandson and wants to find him.

Our erstwhile heroine, Cadida, tries to protect Baakir from the dragon only to learn that Azhi just wants a family reunion.

Azhi is mentioned in "Cadida and the Sultan's Horse - Horsing Around" and "Cadida and the Dragon Demon - Blood is Thicker."

More to come:

The Kazikli Bey

Bascoda the Djinn

The Kraken

Poseidon

Amphitrite

Merfolk

Read all the stories in The Seven Adventures of Cadida. Purchase at The Genre Mall or give me a shout out for a copy.

Karen Newman - Mistress of the Dark

An update: Karen's poetry book, "Toward Absolute Zero," has been nominated for a Stoker award. Congratulations to Karen and all other nominees. I thought it a good time to re-run my interview with Karen.

Today, we're talking with Karen L. Newman: poet, editor, evil mind. Karen has the perfect combination of talents to succeed in the strange and dark world of horror poetry. She has authored two poetry collections, Eeku and ChemICKals, in addition to over 150 of her poems and short stories have been published, both online or in print in places such as Dreams and Nightmares, Star*Line, Cthulhu Sex, Aoife's Kiss, and The Sword Review. She won the 2005 Mary Jane Barnes Award, been nominated for a Dwarf Star, and received two honorable mentions in The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror.

ChemICKals is available from Naked Snake Press.
EEKU is available from The Genre Mall.

Find Karen at MySpace and her website.

Karen is a busy lady. She's an editor at Sam's Dot Publishing for the poetry journal Illumen and Appalling Limericks. She's also an editor for Afterburn SF.

Marva: Thanks for dropping by, Karen. How is a nice girl like you involved in all this dark stuff?

Karen: I always liked horror movies as a child because of the wide range of emotions that were brought out. I feel "dark stuff" is easier to work with because of these emotional responses it evokes.

Marva: Your new collection, ChemICKals, is based on actual chemicals, with poems for several of the common household products, metals, gases, and drugs. Here's an example for the readers:

Oxygen

As emphysema ate her lungs,
Faye chain-smoked
while being
constantly connected
to an oxygen tank.

Thin and bedridden,
she huffed and puffed
until she lit herself up,
forming a human cigarette
that left a long cylindrical ash,
as the flaming tank
torpedoed the house.

Yup, that's not exactly romantic poetry. Tell us a little more about ChemICKals. What sparked (haha) the idea for the collection?

Karen: I have an MS in chemistry and I used my chemical knowledge to write the collection.

Marva: Well, that explains it. Going back in time, when did you start writing poetry and, more specifically, the dark poems and stories?

Karen: I wrote my first poem as a senior high school English assignment for entry in a local poetry contest. I won honorable mention for a poem entitled "The Prisoner", about a man awaiting execution. I wrote some poetry in college, but never tried to publish them. I quit writing until late 2003. My first sale was the poem "Atomic Mistress" in Scared Naked Magazine in March 2004.

Marva: I included some of your biographical information at the top of this post. Is there anything else you'd like to add? Home, family, pets?

Karen: I live in Kentucky and have two cats, Fluffy Buddy, a 14-year-old girl, and Tri-Paw, an 11-year-old boy with three legs. I write and edit full time. I started, sponsor, and judge the Speculative Poem Award for the Kentucky State Poetry Society Contest.

Marva: Here's the spot where I leave it entirely up to the interviewee to say anything you want to my blogreaders. 500 words or less. Go for it.

Karen: My current projects include a third poetry collection, Toward Absolute Zero, which contains over forty dark mainstream poems. I’m looking for a publisher for that. I’m working on a horror/science fiction novel, tentatively titled No More Lawn Mowers and set mostly in Kentucky. My short story "Red Leather Jeans" will appear in the next issue of Cthulhu Sex Magazine and I have poetry upcoming in Star*Line, The Written Word, and Beyond Centauri. On the editorial front, the next issue of Afterburn SF will go live around July 14 and contain eight action-packed science fiction, fantasy, and horror stories. I’m currently reading for the September issue. Please stop by. There are four great stories in the current issue and many others archived. I’m also reading for the spring 2008 issue of Illumen. Visit Sam’s Dot at http://www.samsdotpublishing.com/ for guidelines and to read and order their other fantastic magazines. Thanks for the interview, Marva, and to everyone for reading it.

Marva: Thanks for stopping by, Karen. See you on the dark side.

Caren Johnson Agency Pitch Contest

I certainly admire the moxie of Caren and Elana (Roth) to read through a few hundred pitch paragraphs.

Given the rush to read a paragraph, get an impression, then write a comment, I won't blame the agent for mistaking my genre. That's the fault of my pitch. She said it was "traditional fantasy." Seems to me that traditional fantasy pretty much has to be set in a fantasy world, usually of the medieval variety, and that magic is prevalent.

Wrong, wrong, and wrong.

My setting is the real earth, which I think my mentioning the Arctic and Siberia more or less implies.

Yes, I have a witch, but the world is not filled with magical creatures; just the odd insane Shaman, and a few others not mentioned in the pitch at all.

My timeframe is modern. Alas, I really should have mentioned some of the items that show that this book is more an urban fantasy (but not set in urban environments).

So, watch your pitch. Be overly basic and they probably won't get what your book is about.

Traditional fantasy? I'll take the blame by not saying "Contemporary MG/YA fantasy set in the real world" right at the top of the pitch. Maybe the misunderstanding wouldn't have occurred.

SPLAT by Lorrie Struiff

My good friend and critting partner, Lorrie Struiff has a newly-annointed website. To tempt you to go visit Lorrie, you can first read her story, "SPLAT." Guaranteed to give you multiple chuckles. Remember the name. You'll see more of Lorrie's work for sure.

SPLAT was originally published in The Cynic zine, then went on to be chosen to be reprinted in their “Best Of” edition.

Read the rest of SPLAT here.

"Winnie, skydiving with me is the best twentieth anniversary gift a wonderful wife like you could ever give me," Stan said. He gave me a quick hug before we climbed into the flimsy plane.

My instructor–of five hours had given me the final go-ahead to jump in tandem with my hubby who had already earned his two-star rating.

"Perfect togetherness," Stan called it. A few other names for this insane togetherness crossed my mind, but I refrained from voicing them. I wanted to prove I could be as adventurous as his other friends were, especially Barb, the gal piloting the plane. The one I referred to as 'the Barbie doll with a southern drawl.'

Our plane neared the jump point. The butterflies in my stomach morphed into crazed crickets. Untangling my hands from the wall webbing, I tethered my guide-wire and inched closer to Stan, nearer to the open bay door. I swallowed hard and my ears popped like two giant corn kernels in a microwave. The icy wind smacked my face and froze in my lungs.

The ground, way, way, down there, looked like a patchwork of small lumpy quilt squares. I trembled out of sync with the vibrating deck. My breakfast pushed up into the back of my throat, and I needed to pee.

Lorrie does have a way with comedy.

KIDLIT CONTEST

Check out the KidLit blog about the 500 word contest going on now.

Send in 500 words of your completed MG/YA manuscript for a chance to win a 15-page crit or other wonderful prizes.

How I Got My Agent 15

Contributed by Bodwen:

Dear Agent:

I'm not sure if you remember me, but my name is Margaret Mitchell. Last August I sent you my historical novel entitled GONE WITH THE WIND. You rejected it on the basis that my protagonist was too unsympathetic, the title was too vague, and the book was too politically incorrect and lacked sensational detail and commercial appeal. I just wanted you to know that I have taken your suggestions to heart and have completely rewritten the draft and my query letter. Below is my new letter for your consideration:

***
In my 40,000 word novel "A CONFEDERATE GENTLEMAN VAMPIRE." 17 year old SCARLETTE is a bit of a misfit. She is too pretty, too outspoken, and her rich family thinks it is wrong to own slaves. But trouble starts when superhot bad-boy vampire RHETT rides into town and falls head over heels for her. He gives up blood-drinking to win her heart, but she barely notices because she's got a crush on her best friend's boyfriend, ASHLEY. And then the war breaks out, and sadistic GENERAL SHERMAN goes around with his evil troops violating women and hacking the genitals off the men. When Sherman develops the hots for Scarlette's innocent little sister SUELLEN, Scarlette visits Rhett in jail and offers her neck, asking him to turn her into a vampire so that she can use her supernatural strength to protect the cherished little sister she loves.***I know how you said that the book drags in the middle, so the story ends shortly after this. Rhett refuses to bite her, instead declaring his undying love. Scarlette realizes that she loves him too, so they share many tender love scenes before Rhett returns with her to the plantation to unleash his vampiric fury on Sherman's men. The book ends with a big wedding in a cemetery. I fake out the reader into thinking it is Scarlette and Rhett getting married, but it's actually Suellen and her shy boyfriend, Mr. Kennedy. If you like this one, I've already started work on the sequel "V IS FOR VAMPIRE-LOVER."

***
The war is over and Sherman returns to Georgia as a sadistic and relentless vampirehunter. When Scarlette refuses to tell him where her lover Rhett is hiding, Sherman makes her wear a scarlet V on her bodice. Little does anyone know, but Scarlette's ex-boyfriends, THE TARLINGTON TWINS have been turned into perverted evil zombies determined to make Scarlette into their unwilling slave. Will Rhett risk the wrath of Sherman to pass his vampiric curse onto Scarlette to keep her safe from their fetid touch?
***

How I Got My Agent 13

How I Got the Best Agent Ever
by Charles Dowd, http://charleswdowdy.com
(posted on Nathan Bransford's Forum as an entry to the Guest Blogger contest)

I just got off the phone with my new literary agent! I am beyond excited and I want to share this story with other writers!

This woman has blasted my head into the clouds. She said my writing was unique and visionary. She said it was full of wit, and delivered in a somewhat manic style.

Perhaps that’s where the conversation took a turn that left me a little pensive. She asked some of those personal questions that all writers dread. How are you supposed to answer them? Too much information and you might bore her to death. Too little and you might seem like you’re trying to hide something.

So I ‘fessed up. I can be a little manic sometimes. The doctors call it maniacal or clinical something or the other. Whatever.

Then she asked if I had any personal problems she needed to know about. Me? I’m boring 101. You know, there was that little dustup with the IRS, but who hasn’t had problems with them? In fact, outstanding IRS liens tend to make someone more normal in my eyes. Or normaler.

Whatever. Then there was that stalking conviction, but I later got married to my stalkee, and if that doesn’t say a lot about my resolve then I don’t know what does. So, outside of that kind of thing, I’m just a regular Joe Regular. You know, a Joe Regular who likes to spend most of his time alone so he can make up stories in his head, and occasionally has loud conversations with the characters in his books, often when his mind is in neutral, like when he’s on the subway, or driving a church bus full of children or senior citizens.

And then I suddenly thought, how did this conversation with my dream literary agent end up in the third person? Or maybe I said that aloud? Whatever. But I was pretty sure I’d read something about keeping all phone conversations with prospective literary agents out of the third person.

So, then our non third person conversation turned toward her agency agreement and such. This was more comfortable conversational ground for me, except I was forced to admit that, as a temporary resident of the state of Illinois, I would not be able to enter into any kind of binding legal contract whatsoever for the next four to six years. But I had already put my bean to this issue before beginning the querying process, and had some options ready for her. I told her about my cousin, who’s into car detailing down in Miami. He’d already agreed to play me on book tours and do any television interviews. We don’t look very much alike, given that he’s from Africa and my side of the family hails from Norway, but surely some kind of plan could be hatched with the marketing folks when it came to the book jacket. You know, a picture with some serious facial hair, or lots of shadows, or something artsy like that.

As far as any book proceeds, or advances, or whatever, I think I earned BIG points when I told her she could just keep that money for the next four to six years. Talk about showing trust from day one. I told her I’d just come pick it up when we could arrange a mutually beneficial time, preferably late at night, and that I would rather it be delivered in small, non-sequential bills.

Whatever! I’m easy to work with. And that was one point I really hammered home. I am EASY. I accept editorial direction with the best of them. I’ve got like twenty three hours a day to write. So I have been producing reams and reams of material. And I can deliver it all electronically, you know, unless the warden is being a horse’s ass because some degenerate lifer started a riot in the shower. Turned out the poor, hopeless bastard had gotten smitten with some white collar mullet, and the rest of us were all screaming, “Stop wiggling, let it happen, let it happen,” but this tease of an accountant had to play hard to get and somehow things quickly escalated from a steamy shower room to bloody shanks, water cannons and tear gas.

While this wasn’t the kind of dazzling personal news I wanted to share with my new agent, she had to admit that you can’t buy that kind of writing material. How true that was, and I seized this time to inform her that after any sizable prison riot, getting material to write on is next to impossible, and would she mind accepting manuscripts handwritten in my own blood on the back of 64 oz soup can labels?

And I’m sure I’m reading WAY too much into this, but this was where she went kind of silent on me. You know, I’m sure she was just weighing it all before making that last second commitment to my literary superstardom. Probably just imagining which magic button she’d push that’ll rocket my name up there with the Browns, and Rowlings and Palins.

At least, that’s what I think was happening.

I don’t know, because at that unfortunate moment our call was cut off. It appeared I was out of time and change. Maybe I could have bummed another dollar and gotten the guys in line behind me to wait, but that shower room Lothario with the monstrous loofha was the next man up, and that was not the kind of grief I needed right then. Besides, I’m sure my new literary agent accepted my silence as acquiescence and vice versa. Great minds think alike and all that. She’s the best, right? I’ll probably be able to call her back next week and find out we already have an offer. Multiple offers. From the biggest houses. In fact, I’m sure we will. After all, she’s the best literary agent out there and we are now ONE.

Gosh, by next week, I guess the only question will be whether our relationship will have reached the point where I can call her collect.

Whatever. I’m easy.

How I Got My Agent 11

How I Got My Agent
by Sandy Schoen


My book had everything!! It had characters the audience already loved, because of the show, but I made them even better. The main character was so wonderful that all the audience, even the guys, couldn't help but identify with her, even though she wasn't part of the original show. Unwanted teen pregnancy, nuclear explosions, losing family, orphans, long-lost relatives coming out of hiding, aliens, angst, drama, humour. Everything was jam-packed into 100,000 words. Everything, that is, but a second half.


It sat on a fanfiction website for a few years. Every now and then someone emailed me, begging me to finish it. I always responded politely and said real life was interfering, but I hoped to get it finished soon. That's the polite thing to do.


Then I got a letter that was from a real agent. Us serious writers can tell. He found my story when he was desparate for something to read, and was so hooked he just had to know how it ended. Because this was a real agent, not some internet fanboy, I wrote him a nice long reply explaining how, now I was out on parole, I didn't have time to write. The parole officer insisted I go to work every day, and the welfare lady kept bugging me to feed the kids and clean the bathrooms. They won't even let me have internet at home after the last visit, so I had to go to the library to work.


Now I pack up the six kids and go to work every day in the agent's house. That keeps the welfare lady happy. He keeps telling me he's got an editor all lined up, but this one wants even more chapters than the last one. I might dump this agent, though. He got upset when I experimented with headers and put my name on the top of each page.


That's how I got my agent.

How I Got My Agent 10

by Jane Lebac

Read her blog at http://philangelus.wordpress.com/

How I got my agent was kind of cool. I had been struggling to play a really difficult piece on my violin for about an hour one Sunday night when I was stopped by a pounding on the door. I answered, violin in hand, to see my next-door neighbor, who introduced himself as a literary agent.

"I know," I said, because it's a really old apartment building and I'd been able to hear some of his phone conversations through the thin walls.

"Have you ever thought of writing a novel?" he said. "If you quit playing that thing and write one, I'll represent you."

I said, "I know a good thing when I hear one!" and the guy's mouth twitched as he looked at my violin, but I didn't ask what he meant.

Besides, I'd been about to give up hope that my plan would work. I'd already spent the past three years living next door to Janet Reid, Kristin Nelson and Rachelle Gardner, and all it had gotten me were a few calls to the police, angry messages on my answering machine and a picture of a violin smashed in pieces and repaired with duct tape pinned to my door with a six-inch stiletto heel.

How I Got My Agent 9

By Laura B. Diamond

See Laura's blog at: http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/

We met five years ago, quite by accident. During an internet search, I came across a website detailing a group of “exclusive agents” who had completed their training and were ready to find their one and only client.

The way it worked was: My agent had signed up with a manager or “handler” who promised to develop a personalized publicity and marketing plan. Potential clients could review said profile on the handler’s website and contact her if they felt they would be a good fit.

Needless to say, the process was daunting. My agent had found such a conscientious handler that she did not allow immediate contact with her agents. That’s right. Before she even let potential clients meet with an agent, the manager required an initial contact request via e-mail to be sent to her. This was followed by a phone interview where she collected standard information for background checking. Then if, and only if, those two communications went well, she scheduled a face to face—and observed!—interview with one of her agents.

Lucky me, I passed the first two steps, no problem! The handler invited me for an interview and I accepted. So, I drove five hours to Extreme Eastern New York, USA and had my initial interview with my dream agent. Boy, was I nervous! I wondered if she’d like me, if we’d get along, and if we’d have the same “vision” for my work.

Well, as soon as my agent and I met, it was an obvious match. We had the same playful attitude, the same interests and hobbies, and we even liked the same TV shows! She completely loved my manuscript and supports me 100%.

We signed a contract on the spot. Five years later, I have no regrets.


Picture of Grace Anne Diamond of GAD Literary Services, LLC:

Quest for the Simurgh

Quest for the Simurgh

Just a reminder that Quest for the Simurgh is available on Amazon, Barnes & Nobel, and CreateSpace. I've also just formatted a Large Print edition of Quest, which will be out as soon as I order and approve my proof copy. I've been looking hard at the PDF, so I think it's pretty clean. Here are the current links.

Amazon Kindle 99 cents

Amazon Trade Paperback $5.99

Amazon Large Print Edition $8.99

Barnes & Noble Trade Paperback $7.15

Barnes & Noble Large Print Edition $8.95

Barnes & Noble ebook (for nook and other ebook formats) $1.99

How I Got My Agent 7

Terry (aka Tabris, Jane, Philangelus) spins a tale, and knits up a fun HIGMA.
Check her blog at http://philangelus.wordpress.com/

When I was at a book convention recently, I was sitting in on a session for my favorite author while knitting a sock. It was a really neat session, and I actually concentrate better while knitting. The woman next to me said, 'Are you bored or something?' and I said, "No, he's my favorite author! But I concentrate better when I'm knitting." It's true -- the repetitive motion frees up my brain to really focus.

Then I said, "Wait, do you think it's rude? Because I'm a writer too, and I'd hate to insult him!"

The person said no, since we were in the back. During a pause, I asked if he was one of her favorite writers too, and she said yes. Between sessions, she asked what I wrote, and I told her about my story where a yarn store owner solves mysteries after hours. Then we talked about the sock I was making. She had to go to another session, but then she surprised me by pulling out an ARC of the author's next book and gave it to me! Signed and everything! I was over the moon, and then she told me she was his agent.

I asked for her business card so I could send her a thank-you note. She gave it to me, then said it sounded like I could spin a great yarn, and she wanted me to send her some of my work.

Well! I stayed up all night finishing the first sock, and the next day I finished the second sock on the way home from the convention. I wrote her a really nice thank you note, slipped the socks into an envelope, and sent it to her.

A week later, I got an email asking to see "my full work," so I went over to the yarn store and got a whole lot more yarn and took the next three weeks to knit a sweater, a hat,a shawl and a pretty wrap skirt. I boxed those up and mailed them.

The next week, I got a phone call saying, "Terry, what is this? Are you bribing me?"

I explained about the letter asking for my full work. Then I hesitated. "Wait? Did you want mittens too?"

The agent laughed and said, "Terry! I wanted to see your manuscript!"

My face was redder than the slippers I was knitting! But the agent said it was fine, and that my sweater really was wonderful, and I should email her my manuscript when I got the chance.

She loved the Knitalong Mysteries, and now I've got a two-book deal with Spinner Press.

And that's how I got my agent.

How I Got My Agent 6

Thanks to Holly Lisle for this example request for information. No, it's not to an agent, and I doubt this pair will ever get one, but I'll bet that it will be accepted with joy by PublishAmerica.

Deer Hally:

were not haven trouble written sences and its two of us written it... thats why it dnt really get boring i mean like theres alot of action... were never really bored.... everyone thats read it tells
us to hurry up and finish it.. but we are calling it exspect the unexspected.. its good. we know how were going to end it so we can start the next book.what all does it take to get a book published?

Yurs truly,
Mary Clueless
John Clueless

How I Got My Agent 5

Nostrabuttus from the QueryTracker forum contributed his/her/its agent story.

Getting a literary agent to represent me would be easy. The difficult part was convincing the literary agent I was a ghostwriter for several best-selling authors in this country. Everyone has heard of them. I cannot disclose their names because it would violate the terms of my agreement. You see, none of those guys are about to admit I’m the genius who really cooks up all that best-selling prose.

But there had to be a way to prove it without exposing their identity directly. And there was. I told the literary agent to wait until I finished another round of novels for my clients and he would see my name in each one of them. With a name like Nostrabuttus, the chances of it randomly showing up in a best-seller, much less several best-sellers would be extremely rare. In fact, the only way it could, would be if I, the ghostwriter I claimed to be, had put it there.

It took me a few months to pull it off, but pull it off I did in a way that protected the famous authors’ reputations and yet proved my claim. When a new release of four novels hit the best seller list in less than a week, I told my soon-to-be agent to start searching for my name.

The literary agent checked the novels and was able to verify my claim that I had ghostwritten each and every one of them. A day later, the agent begged to let him represent me. I signed with him so he would get off his knees.

For those of you who have never seen the name Nostrabuttus in any best-selling novel, I have explained the reason it is not in plain sight. The ghostwriters for Jesus couldn’t put that stuff in plain sight in the Bible either. Once you learn how to use the software that found the Bible codes, you will be able to find my name in several best-selling novels. Proof positive I am indeed the cook I claim to be.

How I Got My Agent 3

From Tabris at Query Tracker:

When I was twenty, I wrote my first novel and I showed it to everyone in my family. I worked really hard on it,and my grandmother kept telling me, "Don't worry, honey. You just work hard and someone will see how good it is. You're a Tolino, and Tolinos always succeed in what they do."

She told me about Grandpa,who'd made a fortune selling newspapers, and Uncle Tony, who made a fortune doing something I wasn't really clear about, but he'd made a fortune doing it. And her brother Rinaldo, who was doing something now in Brazil after something I wasn't really clear about, but he'd left what she said was a really good business in America. And her other brother Vinny, who was doing real well in Vegas.

Anyhow, when I had a really good draft that my professors said was sellable, I submitted it to about twenty agents. One requested a full, and I was so happy! I told everyone,and Grandma especially was so excited. She wanted to know the agent's name and everything.

I was so disappointed three weeks later when I got a very nice rejection from the agent. She just didn't feel like she loved it enough. I ran right to Grandma, who patted my hand and said, "Don't worry, dear. I'm sure she'll love it soon enough." I tried to tell her the business doesn't work that way, but she said she knew all about business, and I should just wait a bit.

Well, imagine my surprise when the very next day, I got a call from that agent! Offering representation! I didn't know what to say, and she sounded very nervous, but she said she would get right to work selling it, and that she had a few connections who would get it into print. I asked if she thought it would be a hit, and she gulped before saying, "I hope not," which worried me at first, but I went ahead with her anyhow. A few days later, I got an offer she said I shouldn't refuse, and everyone in my family was surprised and thrilled!

Everyone, that is, except Grandma, who looked oddly as if she knew it all along. When I asked her why, she said, "It's because you're a Tolino, darling. And sometimes, family is everything."

I love Grandma. When I told my agent I was going to dedicate my first book to my grandma, she said, "Yeah, you might say you owe it all to her."

Great Any Time of the Year

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila.

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,

Check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,

Pour one level cup and drink.Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butterIn a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar.

Beat again.

At this pointit's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another Cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
Of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves A sheet.

Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can Find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !

Audible Dot Com

Books on the Knob got my attention by announcing a free audio version of Larry Niven's Ringworld. Loved the book. Who didn't?

Anyway, that got me signed up with Audible.com. I downloaded the freebie from Niven and hope to listen soon. I figured it was a good thing to do while playing my Super Solitaire games.

You can download and install "devices" in a variety of formats. I installed the Audible reader to my PC. There was a big list of the audio devices you can use to listen to books. That's cool, but I don't have those expensive little thingies you carry around to entertain yourself. Hell, I have to pay attention to my walking and driving. Distractions are not a good idea.

However, you of the younger generations who BELIEVE you can walk and chew gum at the same time (you're wrong), can pick up some good literature to listen to rather than having Lady Gaga screaming in your ears.

Distribution by Saturating the Market

Lacking a "real" publisher, I have to get my books out and about. Since I'm a shy person (face-to-face with somebody from whom I'm asking a favor) gives me the heebie-jeebies. I like to write, but I hate to do the marketing thing.

All that being said, I've found that the more editions you have of your self-pubbed book, the broader distribution it gets without you having to do much except create the book editions.

For example, I recently released "Quest for the Simurgh." Uploaded to Lightning Source and through CreateSpace, but used my own ISBN. Large print? Sure, why not. Did that through CS, too, but using their ISBN. I also uploaded ebook format to Smashwords.

So, three different editions are making their way across the cybersphere. Here are the links to all the sites that sell the book in one or more of its incarnations:

Print at Amazon.com
LARGE PRINT at Amazon.com
Kindle at Amazon.com
Print at B&N
LARGE PRINT at B&N
Ebook at B&N
Ebook at Smashwords
Large Print Edition at CreateSpace
Print at CreateSpace

That doesn't count all the 3rd party vendors, of course.

Look Inside Now Available

Quest for the Simurgh

Amazon seems to have changed the Search Inside feature to a Look Inside feature. Hmm. Not sure why. However, Quest for the Simurgh - Large Print now has whatever they want to call it.

Here are the links for all the Quest for the Simurgh editions:

Amazon Large Print Edition 214 pages, $9.95 (16pt Garamond)

Amazon Trade Paperback Edition 128 pages, $7.95
Barnes & Noble Paperback Edition 128 pages, $7.15 member price

Amazon Kindle Edition On special for only 99 cents!
Barnes & Noble nook (yeah, that's their e-reader's name) $1.99

And, of course, Quest is available at Smashwords in a variety of ebook formats. $1.99, but ask the author for coupons to match the Kindle price.

Lessee. Well, you can buy both print editions through CreateSpace, but you won't get that free shipping that you'd get from Amazon or B&N with $25+ orders.

Probably already for sale by 3rd party vendors at various other prices.

Sit Back and Give Away Your Rights

We thought that Obama and a Democratic Congress would save us from the tyranny of a right-wing Nazi destruction of our Constitutional Rights. T'ain't true. If we want to keep our rights, even just those covered by the first ten in the Bill of Rights, we can't sit back and shrug.

Want to get energized? Try reading Cory Doctorow's "Little Brother." Yeah, it's YA, but don't let that put you off. He has it right. Not only that, but you can read it free.

http://craphound.com/littlebrother/download/

You have no excuse now. Just download and start reading. Of course, I'd also encourage you to buy the print copy (everywhere/anywhere books are sold).

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

Quick Quest Queue

Quest for the Simurgh - Large Print Edition is now available on Amazon for $9.95.
214 pages

I thought it would take them a couple of weeks, but being "in" with the publisher (CreateSpace) gets fast service. I just uploaded the files for the Search Inside feature.

Quest for the Simurgh in Large Print

I just approved the Large Print edition of "Quest for the Simurgh." It will show up on Amazon within a couple of weeks, but it is already available at Create Space:

Quest for the Simurgh - Large Print Edition
218 pages
$9.95

The village magician, Wafa, has gone missing. His star pupil Faiza thinks he has left a clue for her on a page of the Magicalis Bestialis. With the page open and marked with an X, she believes Wafa is telling them to seek out the Simurgh, the mythical birds who possess all the knowledge of the universe. She convinces her three classmates that they must seek the help of the Simurgh to find their teacher.

She leads the boys on a difficult journey into the mountains in search of the elusive birds. A strange little man becomes their guide. However, they do not know he is a spirit leading them toward a battle between good and evil. Spirits, gods, and demons confront the four friends, who are being set up by the otherworldly forces for a much larger task than finding their teacher. The students were chosen to take sides in the battle which might spell the end of the world: a battle between the demons and the spirits.

For Those Tossing Scripture

Try Psalm 109:2:

2: For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened against me: they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.

3: They encompassed me about also with words of hatred; and fought against me without a cause.

4: For my love they are my adversaries: and I give myself unto prayer.

5: And they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

I think that pretty much describes the Conservatives. Cherry-pick away thou hypocrites. Thy Lord will cast thee until Hell.

That last part is mine, but I think it fits.

Quest Editions

Quest for the Simurgh

Just a reminder that Quest for the Simurgh is available on Amazon, Barnes & Nobel, and CreateSpace. I've also just formatted a Large Print edition of Quest, which will be out as soon as I order and approve my proof copy. I've been looking hard at the PDF, so I think it's pretty clean. Here are the current links. I'll post the Large Print link when it becomes available.

Amazon Kindle

CreateSpace Trade Paperback

Smashwords ebook (various formats)

Barnes & Noble Trade Paperback

Barnes & Noble ebook (for nook and other ebook formats)

Ricotta Cheese

Okay, so I want to make a lasagna-like meal. Great! I got some ricotta (non-fat) to layer in with the sauce and noodles. Verdict: Delicious.

Now I realize I've got this leftover ricotta cheese and need to figure out what to do with it.

Here's why I love Google (or any other search engine): I am making biscuits and find that I can throw the rest of the ricotta in the dough. So, the dry mix and wet mix is sitting on the counter over there. <<<<<<<< It's only 4:13pm, and I've got to wait until five or so to bake biscuits, but, somehow, my stomach is telling me to get on it. Can't biscuits be considered hors d'oeuvres? Yes, I looked it up, but found (ta da!) that I spelled it right on the first try. Now, I'm doubly impressed with myself. Biscuits and spelling. Wow!

Writing? Well, I'll get around to that. I'm pondering another sex scene. And I thought I was experienced enough to make those things easy. Not! Maybe I can include ricotta cheese. Hmm.

Dr. Horrible

Too good to miss.

Do you have any fondness for Neil Patrick Harris or Nathan Filion? Tune in and laugh your ass off. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

Being a fan of both these dudes, I had to check it out. Now, I'm a solid fan.

Spreading the Love

I thought that in this age of oldsters getting dinged with no COLA, that some might not know that their WWII service may get them a modest military pension.

Yes, there are hoops to jump (harder for the old farts, certainly).

Vet's Benefits for WWII Service

If you or someone you know is a WWII vet, but didn't retire out, then they may be able to get a few extra bucks from the government.

Okay, Repugs, tell us again how less government is better? Oh, right. You should just die. Better for the budget, eh?

Men Who Stare at Goats

I'm so tempted to actually pay the afternoon, old-folks movie price to see this when it comes out. Clooney, McGregor, Bridges, Spacey, Goats! What more could one ask for?

See the long form trailer here.

Read reviews or buy the actual book here.

Query Letters

All writers hate them. If they don't hate them, then I am highly suspect of their sanity. Anyway, since I rarely have anything cool to say, I'll start kiping stuff from others.

Nathan Bransford's post referencing Janet Reid's notes on query letters

Notes on query letters via Janet Reid's blog

The original post that outlined what Janet Reid said in her class on query letters (most detailed of the bunch)

Ain't the internet wonderful? Now, who knows where the word "kiping" comes from? Trust me; it's a real word, and I spelled it right.

The Jessup County Secret

The Jessup County Secret
by Rebecca Davidson

Buy paperback edition at Lulu.com

Buy download edition at Lulu.com

The Jessup County Secret is a realistic look into a fictional depiction of what happens when young hearts collide in this powerful, coming of age story of love, friendship, and finding something to truly believe in. In this story of a sixteen year olds plight to survive a world of physical and sexual abuse at the hands of his father; and, the invaluable pawn he subsequently becomes; in this well kept, secret life of sex, drugs, lies, and murder, hope arises in the most unexpected of saviors. Amongst many twists and turns, join these strong souls on their journey into a world no child should ever experience. You may find yourself questioning whether the story is truly fiction.